My Affordable Care Act: I’m Offering $2 Good Morning Texts

Healthcare in America is broken. I bet you’ve never heard that one before as an able-bodied person with Anthem Blue Cross and Aetna (dental) insurance. But it is. You do not want to see HUP on a Saturday night after backlot or late night or Penn Dems BYO. 

Just like the public education system, Pat’s vs. Geno’s, silver or gold, and College Hall renovations, American health care eludes timely solutions. Are we doomed to waiting on customer service calls for a nurse practitioner to confirm that we have diarrhea and should avoid dairy and spicy products for the rest of our lives?

While solutions have been unsuccessful, they have not been scant. They have been sweeping even if they have not been sweepstakes! (Any political manifesto is heightened by the inclusion of a play on words.)

Here’s a timeline: 

First hospital

People start to care about health 

Ronald Reagan survives gunshot wound #hearthealthy 

War on Drugs: Conquest for Homeopathy

War on Terror: Dealing with Anxiety

Michelle Obama.

Affordable Care Act (healthy couple the Obamas were)

Pre-COVID 19

COVID 19

Masks

2020 Election: Blood pressure spikes

Mascs

Post-COVID 19

Health care not yet affordable

In 54 precise words, I have recounted the tragedy that is health in America. This was my HSOC final project and I got an A on it. I’ve heard that HSOC is one of the hardest majors but I slayed with my interdisciplinary, historical approach to the inequities in our healthcare system.

In another HSOC class, we were asked to formulate a solution to the entire healthcare system in 150 words or less. I really don’t get why HSOC is considered a hard major. Once again I slayed. 

My revised affordable care act is a $2 program for Good Morning Texts (GMTs). It’s exactly what it sounds like. I call it Good Morning America (GMA). Every morning, I will text any subscriber, “Good Morning!” This clinical technique has been proven to decrease sodium and cholesterol levels, improve mood, encourage weight loss, stimulate hair growth, and lighten skin. What else could you possibly need?

I don’t know why this country has failed so terribly at healthcare when we have succeeded at equalizing most other realms when the fix is so simple. The States are most United in their shared touch starved-ness: the source of all health woes. But with this affordable (like a Big Mac) solution, the US will return to pre-colonized levels of health.