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UTB's Ins and Outs for 2024

Photo Credit: Carey Salvin


1. All of the aspects of being a trucker minus the hat

I’m talking breaker breaker 9 9. I’m talking slammin’ lot lizards like there’s no tomorrow. 11 hours of podcasts in one day type shit. HAM radio. 

2. Omniscience 

You would already know what I mean.

3. Brief, informal sports overviews for women who want to know what is going on but don't want to be lectured at by a man

Imagine instagram reels.

4. Being a pledge master

5. Vast mental lexicons of unique and varied verbiage


6. Maximalism

Ordering two meals at dinner, riding two scooters to school one on each foot, etc.

7. Old crew of the block since 2010 old crew in the campus

The advertisements speak for themselves.

8. Taking the yellow school bus to school every morning

Especially if it is a magic school bus. Then I want an invite.

9. El Taco working lunch

10. Fucking the shit out of the dirt in front of the LOVE sign à la Barry Keoghan

I’ve wanted to do this for six years


1. Trucker hats

2. Intermittent fasting

This year we are nixing the “intermittent” and just drinking Powerade.

3. Asset forfeiture 

I’m keeping my land no shot you are about to build this transpacific railroad. ?

4. Watching your stepdad come home drunk and beat the shit out of your mom while you sit around and do nothing because you are too small. You aren’t a kid anymore! You can take him. 

Think about all she’s done for you. 

5. thesaurus.com

Refer to “in” number 5.

6. Minimalism

Shit tiny ah hell.

7. Taxation without representation

Live free or die, bitch. 

8. Panera Charged Lemonade

9. Everybody with the jacket that is the same winter jacket as me aside from me.

Yeah and it’s not exactly doing you any favors you don’t want to wear that anyway.

10. Voting

All joking aside, please do register to vote.