Jett Flaxman
Articles
Fiji Hosts Case Race for Palestine
I don’t know about you guys, but my money's on Fred the alcoholic. I heard that guy can pound ‘em back like there’s no tomorrow!
Hotshot Candidate for Penn Presidency Hosts Israeli Writers Conference in Genius Move
Kinda crazy no one else thought to do this
“Mad Beautiful,” “Dumb Fire,” and Other Adjectives to Let Her Know You Appreciate the Finer Things in Life This V-Day
“Chill as hell” as in “babe, I just gotta let you know, your uncle Tony is chill as hell.”
Boy Gone Wild: My Licentious Spring Break in Harrisburg, Pennsylvania
Definitely the easiest of the two capitol stormings I have participated in in my lifetime.
Princeton MBB Advances to Sweet 16 as Penn Prepares for Tough Matchup vs. Make-A-Wish Foundation
The Make-A-Wish Foundation has put together their best team in decades, with several players having used their wishes for basketball lessons from pro stars such as Michael Jordan, Devin Booker, and Blake Griffin.
Incensed Local Homeowner Kelly Writer Kicks Depressed Wordsmiths Out of Her House
Dozens of lost souls roam the rainy campus in search of a warm, quiet place to consume pop culture and do vape tricks.
OMG They’re Gonna Love It: College Green Fence Masks Surprise Low-Income Housing Project
After we literally had sex with each other, Liz excitedly told me about the board’s plans for College Green.
"Join UTB!" Begs Shell of Man Who Made Few Good Jokes One Time
We are once again asking for your sometimes hilarious applications
Upgrade: Sophomore Moves From Harrison Double to Van Down By River
His landlord gutted the thing and stapled bed sheets to the interior to give it a nice homey vibe.
OP-ED: How Can I Pursue A Career In Academia In A Cool, Ironic, Cool Kind of Way?
I guess one way would be to write for some shitty comedy outlet a few times a week and just delegitimize everything I do in class.
OP-ED: If I'm Not Going To Watch Fox News Shirtless In My Floor Lounge, Who Will?
My friends on the TV were somewhat concerned with the state of the US House of Representatives.
Damn: Insufferable Rich Kid Actually Pretty Drippy
Despite his decidedly insufferable characteristics, I must concede that this kid fucking dripsssss.
They’ve Gone Too Far: The Penntrification of Northeast Philadelphia
And hey, it’s not like Philly is going to do anything about it. One resident close to the demolished shelter said, “This place kinda sucks” when I asked her how she felt about Penn’s most recent expansion.
Dad Checks Watch, Longs for WWII Podcast He Saved for Ride Home From Family Weekend
Adam was enduring his sixth hour at Penn and ninth hour of “family time” that day.
Stupid Girl at Berghain Doesn’t Understand Going to Penn Kind of a Big Deal Where I’m From
I return to my friends and relay a successful tale of rizz. They are impressed. I have done it again, they say.
You Might Remember Us: We Went to Frat Thing, Who Cares?
We are the ones who put our groupmates to shame with an unprecedented number of Instagram story views last Wednesday evening.
Proposed Biopond Expansion Delayed Due to Lack of Portable, Ready-Made Biopond Cubes At Home Depot
Just one problem Lizzy – where are we gonna get all that lame green and brown shit that needs to go in the biopond?
Dude Who Is Already A Fifth-Year Senior Can't Wait For Homecoming Next Year
"Don't worry brother, you're definitely gonna catch me on campus next year,"
Emotional Scene: On-Campus Fraternity Brothers Disheartened as Their Party Overlooked by Fun Police
What started as a laid-back night of vibes with the brothers evolved into... a chill kickback with the brothers and a few of their friends.