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4 Essential Tips to Care for your Single Roommate Who Gets No Play


Photo Credit // Pexels

Despite the seemingly endless love in the air this time of year, some of us on campus are just stuck in their no hoes-having, no dick-sucking, no rizz-employing ways. And unfortunately, living together with these undesirable types can kind of be a bummer. That’s why, this Valentine’s Day, we at UTB have amassed a core set of caring techniques for those with roommates who get no play. Read below: 

  1. Replace their vitamin D gummies with edibles. A lack of sun isn’t causing their problems, social anxiety is. So give them either way less or way more with a daily unconsentual dose of THC.
  2. Let them know you’re here to listen… but at 45 minutes make sure they pay you your hourly therapy rate. If they need a therapist they need to pay for one. know your worth. self-care is important too.
  3. Make a unique self-care kit for your friends. A little gift goes a long way in improving someone’s mood. Some ideas of things to include: a Newport cigarette (or a whole pack if you are of a certain tax bracket), tickets to a winter show at the Opera, and a Deer Park Spring water from Houston.
  4. Consider sucking your bro off. This one is kinda self-explanatory, and kinda a last resort. For some.