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What up, Penn? I know you're used to reading UTB's third-person point of view – we are of the people! – but it's Charlotte Coran here, and rules don't apply to me. Follow along as I break down the things I will and won't miss about Penn in the last post I'll ever write for UTB.
Apologies for not posting your favorite Monday feature the past two weeks. To make up for it, we thought we'd let you know that we watched the first four minutes of Beyoncé's visual album, "Lemonade," during our weekly meeting. If that isn't enough for you to grant us forgiveness, then maybe this week's edition of HapPENNing will be. Let's get to it!
Wharton junior struck and killed by SEPTA train – early this morning, per university and local reports. If you or anyone you know needs support at this time, please don't hesitate to contact CAPS [(215) 898-7021]. In the meantime, let's keep our thoughts with the victim's family and friends. For updates, see The DP's coverage.
Your newest favorite feature is back for more, folks, and this week, we've got a doozy of a query.
Once again, SPEC's Fling Facebook event page is more entertaining than we're assuming the concert will actually be, so naturally, we had to capitalize. Honestly SPEC, we thought we taught you a lesson last year, but apparently not. Sometimes you just make it too easy for us.
Already have plans for this Friday at 3:30 p.m.? RESCHEDULE THEM.
YOU GUYS. It's February 29th!!! Cheers to one extra day of this fucking month! Now, without further ado, we present to you five can't-miss campus events – plus a Philly Pick of the Week – before you and your dad bod head off to PV (so original!).
Look, we've all done it – but that doesn't make it permissible. Follow along as two of our most objectively attractive Editors break down your transportation tendencies.
In honor of the first full week of classes (fuck you, Penn administration, for not shutting down the university today), we decided to bring back your favorite feature. You're welcome! Follow along as we break down campus' 5 can't-miss events of the week, plus a Philly Pick of the Week, selected with none other than YOU in mind.
For those of you in the Class of '18 or earlier, SURELY you remember the prolific (former) UTB EIC and (current) world-renowned artist, Ben Lerner. He did a lot of stuff during his time at Penn: He was A-Gut's No. 1 fan, king (queen?) of any and all things pop culture, and he also once wore sensual nipple tassles during his stint in last year's production of Gypsy – a role which ultimately earned him a Tony nomination.
Is there anything worse than the Monday after Thanksgiving? Unfortunately, yes. Take your current level of depression, and multiply it by at least 10 – that's how awful you'll feel coming back from winter break. Happy holidays!
Update: We've just received word from a reliable informant that Steve Harvey will not, in fact, be on campus tomorrow. Please stand by as we seek solace from loved ones near and far during this difficult time.
Yesterday, the DP reported that Penn received a record-high number of Early Decision applications, with 5,629 innocent high school seniors hoping to continue on in the hopes of becoming America's Next Top Model join the Class of 2020.
Is Halloween still hapPENNing? Let's hope not. Are midterms still hapPENNing? Potentially. Is the Ivy League Snapchat Story still hapPENNing? Definitely. Follow along as we break down what else is going on this week on – and off! – campus.
Well, well, what do you know – it's somehow already Family Weekend! That should clear the air as to why your DFMO last night at Smoke's seemed a little older than usual – he said he was a grad student, but his dad bod and "I Met My Wife At Penn" button suggested otherwise. Now, you're going to see a lot of different kinds of families during the next couple of days, so do try to keep an open mind. However, there will be some parents that won't be visiting our come-hither campus this weekend. Follow along as we discuss who we wish were a Penn parent.
Back in March of 2014, we answered a question that had plagued Penn students for nearly all of eternity: Are the breakfast sandwiches from Bridge edible? Well, we're back at it, and this time, we're going to determine once and for all whether it's worth committing social suicide for Qdoba's queso. Follow along as we pro/con/pro Qdoba's location, menu, and of course, relevancy.
It's somehow already the fourth week of classes, yet you're only just starting to get your shit together. We're right there with you, because it took us until now to crank out this semester's first What's HapPENNing? post. Without further ado, we present Fall '15's inaugural edition of your fave Monday feature, which includes five can't-miss events on campus, plus a Philly Pick of the Week (which will presumably take place off-campus).
Finally, we can collectively exhale: Penn HAS MADE IT on GrubHub's annual list of the nation's most caffeinated colleges. That said, we dropped six spots in the past year, going from #1 to #7, so we'd be lying if we said our egos weren't slightly bruised.
She may be headlining MIA this weekend (not that we're counting down or anything), but she's certainly not MIA from our fair campus. No, we weren't drunk when we spotted this iconic image – that really is Queen Bey feeling herself while reigning over us peasants from the stairwell of Fisher Bennett Hall. In typical diva fashion, Queen Bey has stuck it to THE MAN (aka, Shakespeare) once again. Not only do girls run the world, but apparently, they run Penn's English department, too.
Free Metro Coffee Or Tea To Celebrate The First Day Of Classes – although caffeine at no cost is all we really feel like celebrating today. Seriously, people are already flyering and it's annoying. Do less. Except for you, Metro – you could get it.