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Come spring, Spread Bagelry (bagelry can't be a real word?!) will partially fill the hole left in our hearts by Pizza Rustica when it sets up shop on Chestnut. Rejoice one and all because the so-much-more than a bagel shop is equipped with both a liquor license and the carbs to soothe the resulting hangover. That’s a solid business model if we’ve ever seen one!
It’s that time of year, friends! With temperatures dropping, leaves changing, and geese coming out of reverse hibernation, the urge to increase your daily intake of pumpkin (or pumpkin adjacent) products by 1005% has most likely struck. Some other symptoms of autumn may include frivolous scarf wearing, increased alcohol consumption (for warmth), and the urge to frolic amongst one or more of the following: a litter of puppies, a heap of strikingly sundry leaves, and/or your preferred steam-billowing manhole. The easiest symptom to spot is of course the burning desire to take excessive numbers of pics to curate your perfect fall insta.
"Sometimes I just come here to think, hiding in plain sight, ya know? Usually when I'm in public, people are always hassling me, trying to pose with me to get on that Facebook page or shaking me for spare change. I have a pretty tough peel, but when I'm running late for my Labor Econ lecture and someone stops me and asks, 'Hey Banana, how are you walking? You don't have legs!' I can't help but feel discouraged. My name isn't 'Banana.' My name is Carl."
The Pope may have skipped town, but he left his artful van (complete with "My Other Car Is The Pope-Mobile" sticker) on Spruce. Li'l Franny was spotted driving the van in the wee hours of Saturday morning, returning from a "sick" gig where he performed his new single. We suppose that he parked his van in West Philly to remind people of his sandal-wearing, gospel-spreading pal as he returns to the Vatican – leaving us with little more than a pile of "The Pope Is Dope" t-shirts in his wake.
Hey, so, you probably already got a blurry snapchat of the cloudy sky from every single one of these folks, but we just wanna give props to these souls for their commitment to the possibility of a witnessing a dope celestial event. Even though the clouds got ‘em this time, we hope these dreamers never stop sky gazing. Anyway, we’re pretty sure the Dalai Lama’s behind all of this somehow.
Still unsure what to do on your Pope day off? Not planning on pushing your way through the the holy hordes to get a glimpse of Papa Francis? Don’t even worry about it, How To Get Away With Murder (or HTGAWM as people who don’t understand the point of acronyms call it) is now on Netflix.
Watch to the end of this (kinda cringe-y) vid to see the “Annenberg School of Sociological Meaning and Humor” get a well deserved (?) sponsorship shout-out along with a flash of the ol’ Penn seal. We’re glad the younger, hotter (and faker if we’re honest) Annenberg is finally getting the media attention it deserves. It’s nice to know that our funds are going to good places.
Along with losing our formerly undisputed ranking as the nation's top party school, we also lost our title as the most polite college in America, dropping from the coveted number one spot to the 18th on GrubHub's list of the Most Polite Colleges in 2015. Though we question the methodology of the ranking system, which is based on the frequency of "please"s and "thank you"s written in the delivery instructions, we've gotta admit – this one stings.
Free Microsoft Office For All – Penn recently announced that any enrolled student can download Office 365 for FREE via Campus Express. Although this signals the end of summer – and with that, post VP all-nighter sunrises replacing post bonfire beach sunsets – at least we can now get back a percentage of our tuition, one download at a time.
In keeping with Penn's endless construction, Allegro is now undergoing renovations, taking advantage of the reduced influx of drunken frat pledges and endless club meetings (will using Allegro as a spot to host a GBM become a thing?) to spruce up the space.
For those of you who know that internships at New York investment firms or Silicon Valley start-ups are for sheep, here are some summer internships that will add just the perfect amount of Mystery and maybe even Edge to your résumé.
Though we probably know the answer to this question, we must ask anyway: Have you ever Googled yourself? While your embarrassing tweets from middle school might show up, Penn (and UTB) alum and comedy writer Kelly Diamond's Google search-induced woe is a bit more hardcore.
The sun is shining. There are children sliding Down The Button, enjoying their last traces of innocence. You, hunched over with the weight of your backpack, recoil from the sound of laughter and quickly scuttle up the steps of VP. Two papers and three finals are in your future, and you have it like so much harder than everyone else. Settling down in your carrel, you spend five minutes arranging highlighters and your books for an obligatory Snapstory, letting people know You Have Arrived. Then you see it. A scribbled “I was born this way!!!” Three exclamation points. Lady Gaga. Love. It’s all too much. You respond with “I Hate you so much” because you understand the spirit of finals.
Read about more past Random Dudes here, here, here, here, here, here, here, here, here, here, here, and here.
After Experimental Psych Professor Connolly sent out an encouraging message telling students not to stress about post-Fling exams and outlining super specific credit opportunities, which ended with a reassuring “Summer is finally coming,” a student gently reminded the tight-nit 500 person class to get their priorities (and calendars) in order because “Winter is coming.” Whether Anonymous is just more in touch with the imminent reality of finals than the rest of us, or whether he/she want to bring down the class curve by getting everyone to binge watch the new season of Game of Thrones, Connolly should definitely rally her peasant students because it seems this defiant newcomer is making a bid for her throne.
He's conquered commencement, the Oscars, and now, our favorite alum is making Pitch Perfect a reality (show). The documentary series will follow college teams competing in international competition, which we can only imagine will look a little something like this. Do Penn a cappella groups have what it takes? Maybe Masala, White House and BuzzFeed faves. Or Counterparts, JL’s former a cappella crew. We’re waiting patiently to see, but we fear that this competition could tear ACK (the Penn A Cappella Council, for the normals among us) apart. We know how heated acampetition can get.
While you have been reveling in the warmth of the spring sun, pretending to do work or hitting passersby with haphazardly thrown Frisbees, not all is well in an occasionally overlooked Freshman dorm. This time it’s not a shiny apple, but instead rotten pranksters that are shaking up the Court. Some drunken jolly mischief-makers have been removing couches and lamps from their common rooms, spiriting them into other hallways and possibly hoarding them in their rooms. To quote the email scolding, all of the furniture moving, be it "for April Fool, or some other reason," will come with a cost, or rather, a fine. Interior decorate at your own risk...
Ever had that dream where a professional athlete delivers hot, steamy food right to your door? Well, Caribou Shack, a charitable restaurant run out of a Domus apartment, is here to make that dream a reality.
These Penguin and Nick Fury look-a-likes were standing guard (in Hunter rain boots, no less) on the bridge today, determined to protect Locust SABSers and bringing a speck of hope to all those trekking up the 38th Street Bridge of Broken Dreams. We can only hope that these costumed champions will help bring order to the chaos that is SPEC’s Kesha floor ticket flash sales, or try to overthrow Huntsman in a bit of a College vs. Wharton: Dawn of Free Printing situation. Thanks for looking out costumed heroes, but with Amy G strutting down the Walk, we feel pretty safe.
Everyone has their go-to food truck on campus, but the Internet has spoken and Lyn's is on top, beating out not one, but both Le Anhs and dozens more. The people of this campus would be nothing without Lyn's hangover absorbing breakfast sandwiches, knack for remembering her regulars' orders, or—let's be real here—her contagious smile. So, if you have the resilience to withstand (still) chilly temperatures for a warm eggplant parm pita or an egg white wrap, head to 36th and Spruce to get an iconic Penn palette pleaser.