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It seems like the only Penn alum that people are talking about these days is Donald Trump, and he barely went here. The media should really be focusing more on people like Seth Berkowitz, the dude who started Insomnia Cookies from his dorm room while he was just a junior at Penn. This man spends his life baking cookies and making bank and he didn’t even have to OCR to get the job. Take notes, Columbia Band.
Brangelina split got you down? Forget that true love doesn’t exist, grab a friend, and head over to Hip City Veg, because HCV is offering a BOGO banana whip deal today only! For those of you who don’t know the lingo, or just prefer chicken over “chik’n”, BOGO= buy one get one free and banana whip= ambiguous amount of bananas whipped together in a hidden location in the back of the restaurant. See you there!
You’re probably pretty stressed right now. NSO is done, Made in America has passed, it’s OCR szn, it’s date night szn, you can’t seem to find anything tight, and now you have to worry about avoiding flying seafood while you’re walking down Locust
Looking for new ways to procrastinate? Uber is allowing students to order a free pack of cookies to any of the sad study locations found on campus! Be sure to place your order TODAY between the prime hours of 9 p.m. and 12 a.m., but expect lots of buffering – Penn students like good deals.
You might have woken up this morning thinking that today was just a regular ole Tuesday. Do you live under a rock? Today is no ordinary day, Quakers. It’s Metropolitan Bakery’s 12th birthday, and they're celebrating by offering 12% off all purchases! Unfortunately, this means you'll be even less likely to make the minimum to pay with a card, so you'll hold up the line while you scrounge around in your Longchamp for a couple stray singles. What a deal! In the meantime, we’ll be counting down the days until it's Metro’s 100th birthday, when everything will inevitably be 100% off.
Looking to get turnt In Da Club (sorry) this Saturday? We’ve got good news for you! 50 Cent is hosting an event at Coda this Saturday night with two even more irrelevant DJs and tickets are selling at $20. If you think this is unreasonable, remember that you probably stood around a dirty pool last weekend for a lot more money than that.
It's the Thursday afternoon before Fling, which means only less than 24 hours before everyone stops wearing real clothes. The question is: are the tanks really worth it?
Are you a rational human being? Then Take Back the Night is the event for you! Come out tonight and join Abuse and Sexual Assault Prevention (ASAP) and other supporting groups as they raise awareness about sexual, relationship, and domestic violence. The event will start with a keynote speaker at 6 pm in Bodek Lounge, continue with a march around campus, and end with a survivor speak out in Wynn Commons. Check out the Facebook event and help join the movement!
There’s a lot happening in today’s world. The race for the US presidential election has become highly contested, global warming continues to destroy our ecosystem, and some people say that Penn dining doesn’t have good bagels. That’s right, some students at the Jewniversity of Pennsylvania have decided that Penn dining is not only kinda really disgusting, but also inept at offering students quality bagels. No need to fear! One student has decided to start a change.org petition to rally up all the carb-lovers everyone and enact change in our fine dining institutions. The appeal already has 100 signatures and, more importantly, a host of comments in support of the petition such as “current bagels are offensive”, “bagels are important”, and “I don’t even go to Penn”. Check it out for yourself and get behind this important cause!
Because real life SABsing isn’t enough, new Snapchat geofilters have popped up all around campus. Ugh, Millennials and their phones these days. Doesn’t anyone live in the now anymore?
What’s this disgusting, bacteria-infested gunk I’m looking at, you ask? A sample from the Biopond? A culture of the Zika virus? Think again! This is a real picture of water from our very own Commons dining hall. Chem 054 lab students tasked with analyzing water samples left a cup of water from the Commons drink station in a locker for a week and found this liquid refreshment awaiting them after Spring Break. Commons, you’ve taken away our Pizza Pi, you’ve yelled at us for saying our omelet order too slowly, and now you’ve most definitely poisoned us a couple of times. At least you have new technology vending machines to ensure that our phones don’t die before we can snap pics of more food atrocities.
Van Pelt security guards took a break from checking bags this morning to apprehend a man who carried a knife into the library. Luckily, Penn Police jumped right on the case and reported the area all clear within five minutes of the report. The suspect’s motives remain unknown, but potential reasons might include Mark’s Café, the basement bathrooms, and the library’s persistent pest problems. Despite all of VP’s faults, at least we can add top-notch security to the list of pros of living in the library.
Midterm season might be coming up but that didn’t stop this RDAP from having a great weekend. Bless you, stranger, for your insightful comments about terrorism and diversity!
Ex-hippies and rich Penn kids rejoice! Penn researchers have found a potential new treatment for cocaine addiction.