Hope is not lost for you yet, washed-up seniors. You still have a chance. Two semesters, two chances to succeed. Maybe it’s not too late to get tapped for a senior society. That’ll fix everything.

The effects of lowered testosterone levels on future consulting club executive boards and Tridelt-Hall relations will be devastating. 

What happened to: “Damn, that tiny Asian kid is a piano PRODIGY!”

I must remember that Drexel is a fantasy land of lying dwarves, and that Penn is a fantasy land of scheming trolls. None of these creatures are viable options for a loving relationship where we take care of each other until one of us dies of old age. 

If a tree falls in a forest and there is only a couple doing PDA present, will anyone ever hear the tree fall? 

This will give students a staggering thirty extra seconds of exposure to the finest mental health resource out there: artificial LED light.

I know one thing will always be there for me: my culturally diverse but also culturally sensitive but also culturally accommodating Grommons frozen meal exchange section. 

I hope you found your community immediately after reading this enlightening article!

WUCC announces "the next step in streamlining open communication between stakeholders and creating an optimal environment for connection in the romantic stratosphere."

 I could see the parents think to themselves, “Wow, they sure didn’t look that unhappy at Harvard!”

In this way, I will save you. Not from the Ben bench, but from yourselves.