Describing the semester as ‘Penn Lite’, Gutmann ensured students that the semester will have all of the Penn Face, pre-professionalism, and toxicity of a normal semester at Penn, minus every form of stress-relief and joy that made being a Penn student somewhat tolerable.
Furthermore, UTB has deduced the real reason for his sudden departure: with recent budget cuts, the University can no longer afford the salary of its hot, sexy, well-proportioned admissions cover boy.
You’re horny. Cousin Addie’s horny. Are you two going to help each other out?