James Morrison


Sad! This Buffoon Lost All His Worldly Possessions in a Pottruck Locker

Like an absolute moron, Adams threw all of his worldly possessions, consisting of his backpack, PennCard, and Canada Goose jacket, into a locker, heeding no mind to its number, not knowing that he would never see any of these items ever again.

All I Did at Penn Was Snort Cocaine. I'm Okay With That.

The hyper-competitive Penn culture can make us feel that we need to do it all and have it all, but I don’t let it bother me because I’m literally a fucking G.

OP-ED: Adam Grant Has Big Papa Energy

Mr. Grant’s Papa energy is so strong that whenever I see him sitting down I have to actively fight the urge to sit on his lap and ask for a bedtime story.

Oat Milk is DTF — Are You?

From behind trembling lips, you cough up the words “one oat milk chai, please.” 

Thirsty Freshmen Head to Frat Party, Leave With Five Gallons of Water

In that moment we were so thirsty and feeling so naughty that we knew that we had to steal it or else we would literally combust.

Self-Care Queen! Girl Finally Settles Down to Do Homework, Drops Class Instead

“We live in such a fast-paced society these days, we forget to make time for the things that truly matter.” Sarai explained that she cares deeply about binge-watching Netflix, scrolling through social media, and getting absolutely blasted. 

Forget Puppies: Penn Saves Big Money by Hiring Therapy Cockroaches for Finals Week

Instead of providing hairy, mangy pups with slobbery mouths, the College has instead decided to invest in a far more adorable critter: the cockroach.

Five Ways to Lie About Your 2.0 GPA this Holiday Season

'Tis the season, and if you have anything lower than a 4.0, your ass is grass and your family is going to mow it.