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Luke Burke


High-Rise Mice, Rats Complain of Student Infestation

“Oh, they’re terribly uncouth, I feel I must say,” said Alfred IV, a mouse from Harnwell, where his family has reigned for centuries.

Photo Essay: Penn Architecture Society's Building Beautification Proposal

The Penn Architecture Society suggests these alterations.

OP-ED: I Seem to be Losing my Socks

Most disappeared in pairs, but some particularly cruel socks remained even as their partners left, just to taunt me. There is nothing so horrible as being able to find only one sock out of a pair.

Flummoxing: Student Won’t Stop Forcing Newly Learned Word Into Every Conversation

As he walked back to his dorm from Wawa, he continued to impose his superior intellect on all who walked by him, making snide remarks such as “How flummoxing the weather is today,” and “What flummoxing shoes you have.”

Inspiring: Brave Student Transforms Roommate's Side of Dorm into Compost Pile

Tired of indolence on the part of faculty and students, Stewart took the matter into his own hands by converting a non-necessary part of his dorm room, his roommateu2019s half of the room, into a fully functioning compost pile. 

SHOCKING: Students Question Reality as Campus Wi-Fi Functions for 5 Consecutive Minutes

We recognize that this may be the last UTB article you ever read, and we ever write; in that spirit, remember, as you are consumed by the void, that life was always meaningless.