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Riya Nandakumar


BREAKING: Penn To Arrest Every White Person in a Wasian Couple

 “We locked eyes in the ethnic food aisle in Trader Joe’s – right next to Trader Ming’s Kung Pao Chicken – and it was love at first sight.” 

Career Services Guide: Companies Hiring and Accepting Sexual Favors for Summer 2024

Hopefully, this guide can ease some of the internship uncertainty – possibly with the help of a few risqué LinkedIn messages. 

I Lived It: Towne 8/10 Discovers They’re a Huntsman 4/10

I showered today. I’m wearing clothes that have been washed within the past five business days. Where is my praise? 

7 Tips to Rush in the Eyes of Jesus

Sinning runs rampant; intoxication, fornication, and spiritual deprivation all accompany “Meeting the Bros” or “dirty rushing.” However, there is a way to do away with this filth and rush properly – rush how Jesus would. 

Op-Ed: I’m Going Abroad to Gregory College House

I want to explore the world! I want my mind, body, and soul to experience different environments, different cultures, different halal carts, even! 

Penn Housing Selection Crashed as Local Militia Invades The Radian

After setting up headquarters in the lounge, the group proclaimed that they will be holding hostages until a “high rise 4BR with a pretty view” opens up. 

OP-ED: I’m Going to Cabo for Spring Break in a Woke, Leftist Way

 As Marx once said, “let the people darty.” 

Penn Listens: Penn Dining Adds “Natty Light” to the Meal Exchange Program

Through petitions and the amazing work of attentive student government officers making real change, Natural Light was brought to the shelves of Penn's finest dining establishments.