The Oscars Are Tomorrow, Drink Accordingly

We like drinking games. We also like getting fancy. Tomorrow marks the 84th annual Academy Awards, otherwise known as the perfect opportunity to do both (without having to deal with SPORTZ–ew). Whether you're into movies or just looking at sexy people, we recommend you do so to the tune of shots on shots on shots. Plus, what better way to prepare for Spring Break, which, holy tits, is like one week away WUT? Anyway, back to business. Here are the five simple rules that will have you on the floor before you get the chance to spot even a single nip slip:

• Take one shot for every winning film you haven't seen because you were in Van Pelt playing Neopets.
• Take one shot every time you spot Sean Penn (we're desperate and stretching it, bear with us, fellow alcoholics). Take another shot every half hour you DON'T spot him--or see him wearing this.
• Shotgun a beer each time you catch a wardrobe malfunction (exactly like being at Blarney past midnight, no?)
• Take five shots every time you see Ryan Gosling and are subsequently forced to suffer through your BFF's "Hey girl..." joke.
• If The Muppets wins (nominated for Best Original Song–we'll let you go ahead and figure that one out on your own), you must drink all the drinks until there are no more drinks. And then sing this.