Op-Ed: There’s Not Enough Room in This Recitation for Two Busty Blonde Bimbos

It’s Tuesday, 1:45 p.m., in DRL. You’re sipping a strawberry açai refresher. I’m nursing a raspberry blueberry mixed berry tropical berry mint lemonade vape. I’ve got a Fiji Water bottle in my purse. You’ve got a FIJI boy on your arm. 

Girl…oh no you didn’t girl…

You see this leather-tanned skin? These floss-thin tanlines cutting across my clavicles? That’s Casa de Campo. The blinding white stenciled sunglasses around my eyes? I’m like a sexy, inverted raccoon baby. There’s no room for two of us. 

My bag? It’s huge. Prada. My hair? It’s fried. Bleached. My chest? Two words: honk honk.

There can only be one pair of Jeffrey Campbell pumps in this classroom: One Gel-X french manicure, one micro skirt, one bedazzled pepper spray keychain.

Two’s a crowd. There’s only room for one busty blonde bimbo in this recitation.