They're Here: Texts From Fling, Volume III

Remember one week ago today? Your hangover was still in full swing, the memories of Fling as gone as they are right now, the Instagrams telling a dark tale of debauchery. Fling has now been officially over for a week, and to commemorate its anniversary (only 355 more days!), UTB proudly presents a compilation of the texts YOU submitted throughout the last seven days. You've recovered from last weekend's mayhem - although a residual high from last night is understandable - and now its time to relive the rowdy via area code.

The Drunchie Heroine (267): I'm at tap. Audrey is non responsive (717): I'm coming! Stay! (267): Ok! By fire pita (215): Sorry I was having sex.  Save me pita

The Sober Stranger (201): Send me some pictures from us getting Seltzer Water-Ed

The Yente Matchmaker: (510): I,m woith your future husband.

The Third Base Coach: (404): NO WAY OMG YHE DREAM US RESL.  IM SO PROUD OF UOY.  HIS FINGERS ARE IN YOU WUUUUUUUT.

The Girl With Priorities: (???): I just had sex with David, I am stuck in bed with him, pleaz help, don't wanna be late for carnival's food

The Girl Without Them: (301): Okay... you're gonna eat soon though? (240): I'lleat later some sex with mike first

The Translator: (301): gtfvsik lovr oyo (703): Hahaha very good. (301): lov0eiiowuyou (301): os muhc (703): You too (301): bet firsnesd (703): Yes.  Best friends forever.

The Racist Party Classifier: (914) Where are you (978) The bla k party (914) What? (978) The black partyyyy

The Bilingual Apologist: (703): ?? ?? (703): I'm sorry I drunk dialed you 13 times.

The Alcohol-Themed Penelope: (703): This is really bad (703): What is (703): His friend was being an asshole and all these people hate him for being a dick and people are yelling in Arabic and I don't know what to do, my whole brain is crying. (703): Well I got alcohol spilled in my eyes by the Ying Yang Twins.  So I win.

The Janelle Monáe?!: (215): Last I saw of you, you were on stage looking for your jacket and then I couldn't find you anywhere. Seriously. (267): I had a moment with some dude and two gis wearning bowties. I could sleepy or eat of yo are going to bed will sleep.

The Non-Specific: (201): THERE IS AB ASIAN BOY PASSED OUT IN MY BED

The Safari Autocorrector: (631): Axtyally rhino I wanna kill him

The Debbie Downer: (717): I don't know what this year's theme was. Probably "The Worst Fling You've Ever Seen."

The Movie Lover: (312): I'm leonardo dicaprio and i jst achieved the next dream level. Drunkception (312): [FRIEND] KILLED SOMEONE! WITH A TRIDENT! (413): You are sooooooo drunk lol (312): LETS GET DOWN TO BUSINESS TP DEFEAT THE HUNS