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Breaking: ​Harvard Reject Chooses Penn

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Photos (with edits) by Joseph Thibault / CC 2.0 and Unknown / CC0

This just in — multiple accepted regular decision students have already committed to Penn within a day of the release of admissions decisions.

We spoke to Jessica Robbins (C' 21) to hear how she made her decision to come to Penn.

"Well, all the Ivies released their decisions at the same time," Robbins informed us, "and I found out that I didn't get into Harvard... or Yale... but I'm still on the waitlist for Princeton."

"But yeah, I got into Penn!" she added. "I'm so excited. After a lot of careful consideration, I realized that choosing Penn was a no brainer. Like, we're the social Ivy! Didn't Playboy even call us the #1 party school?"

Robbins is so excited that she even put up a small biography on the Class of 2021 page. "I want to have fun in college, not be surrounded by a bunch of elitists," she explained. "Honestly, even if I had gotten into Harvard and Yale and Princeton, I totally would have picked Penn anyways. Everyone at HYP is snooty and entitled, while Quakers are more humble. You'd never hear about a Quaker bragging or acting superior!"

Despite Penn clearly being her best choice, Robbins still loudly attempted to justify her decision by listing all the great things that Penn has to offer. "I mean, Penn just has a lot of great dual degree programs and Wharton is such a fantastic place," said Robbins, who was accepted to the College and has no intentions of transferring schools. "And the, uh, LOVE sculpture, Harvard doesn't have one of those!"

Sources now report that Robbins has put up three Harvard sweatshirts on the Free & For Sale page.

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