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'I Hate Glass Ceilings' Notes Student Who Spends Free Time Calling Amy Gutmann a Robot


Photo by Stuart Watson / CC BY-SA 4.0

Head of several clubs dedicated to empowering women in the STEM fields, Sammie Tomson (C ‘19) is committed to shattering artificial barriers to success. 

She’s also deeply dedicated to exposing Dr. Amy Gutmann for the fraud she is.

“Amy’s not a real person,” she chuckled to our reporter, “Have you seen her try and talk with people? It’s like she doesn’t have a personality, she’s so stiff.”

Tomson continued, “Gutmann [a first generation college student who climbed to the top of the academic pole while fighting deeply entrenched institutional sexism] shouldn’t even be president. What has she done for us [besides more than doubling our endowment]?”

“Anyways,” she concluded, “I’ve got to go make a PowerPoint on glass ceilings. But yeah, terrible president. Totally emotionless.”

“But Dean Furda?” She sighed, dreamily, “Now there’s a guy with charisma.”