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'He Trimmed His Nails Before Fingering Me' And 5 Other Hygienic Reasons Why You Should Cuff

Credit: Lucas Weiner

Ladies, on this campus riddled with hand, foot, and mouth disease and midterms-induced greasy hair, we have to prioritize cleanliness when securing a mans for the long, cold winter ahead. Forget looks, brains, humor, or spontaneity: this cuffing season, we’re all about the sanitation. Here are six hygienic reasons to trap the ass of that germ-aware guy who’s been hitting you up.

1. “He trimmed his nails before fingering me.” – Chivalry is not dead! Nobody wants a dirty, pointy claw up their cha-cha when they’re trying to get it on. Bonus points if he immediately throws away his nail trimmings instead of leaving them on his nightstand for a few days. But beggars can’t be choosers.

2. “He washes his hands after going to the bathroom.” – An icon of health and wellness. Scrubbing with soap and water after touching one’s genitals is so important, yet so rarely done in practice. If your guy always hits the sink, even after a quick morning pee, you gotta clinch his love.

3. “He uses deodorant religiously.” – It’s so hard to not want a man who uses deodorant every day and even reapplies when he finds it necessary. Put a ring on it, girl, you found a diamond in the rough!

4. “He usually showers a few times a week.” – Yes. Yes. YES! While separate soap, shampoo, and conditioner is ideal, a 3-in-1 is acceptable as well. Lather up, baby.

5. “He occasionally looks in the mirror.” – Now even I’m turned on! A humble king who is also mildly cognizant of his appearance? Sign me up!

6. “He brushed his teeth once.” – Yum! If you can resist the urge to always shove your tongue down that squeaky-clean orifice, praise him for his anti-bacterial ways, then get that relationship going.