Professor Assigns Problem Set That Is Just a List of Intimate Personal Issues
Photo by Richard Revel / CC0
December 14, 2018 at 11:16 am
Physics professor Robert Ryker recently assigned a problem set to his physics 151 lecture that contained no physics problems. Instead, it contained a list of Professor Ryker's personal issues. For context, Ryker is 59 years old, twice divorced, infertile, and currently maintains a long-distance marriage with a Slovenian woman named Jaka. Below is a transcription of the professor’s problem set:
Dec. 10th, 2018
PROBLEM SET 10
- I am worried that I have reached my peak in life and there is nowhere to go but down. I have accomplished a lot, but what am I supposed to do with those accomplishments if they no longer fulfill me?
- I think I have also reached my sexual peak, and my stamina is beginning to dwindle. I worry that, if I am unable to sexually please anyone, my future wives will be merely for show.
- My current wife, who I have never met, does not speak English and runs a fraudulent Instagram account called “Jaka Cooks.” She just finds pictures of food that look nice on Google, posts them to her account, and now makes more money than me in a given year.
- My siblings are all more successful and healthier than me, with happy relationships that have lasted much of their lives. Their doctors say they could live past 100, but mine says I will be dead within the next decade.
- I have never had children, and am unable to do so. I have not fulfilled my Darwinian duty to procreate. While I was initially happy to avoid having to take care of young children, I now recognize a gaping hole in my life and long for someone to be proud of in this world.
PLEASE SUBMIT SOLUTIONS ON SEPARATE PIECE OF PAPER