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Professor Assigns Problem Set That Is Just a List of Intimate Personal Issues


Photo by Richard Revel / CC0  

Physics professor Robert Ryker recently assigned a problem set to his physics 151 lecture that contained no physics problems. Instead, it contained a list of Professor Ryker's personal issues. For context, Ryker is 59 years old, twice divorced, infertile, and currently maintains a long-distance marriage with a Slovenian woman named Jaka. Below is a transcription of the professor’s problem set:  

PHYS 151

Dec. 10th, 2018



  1. I am worried that I have reached my peak in life and there is nowhere to go but down. I have accomplished a lot, but what am I supposed to do with those accomplishments if they no longer fulfill me?
  2. I think I have also reached my sexual peak, and my stamina is beginning to dwindle. I worry that, if I am unable to sexually please anyone, my future wives will be merely for show.
  3. My current wife, who I have never met, does not speak English and runs a fraudulent Instagram account called “Jaka Cooks.” She just finds pictures of food that look nice on Google, posts them to her account, and now makes more money than me in a given year. 
  4. My siblings are all more successful and healthier than me, with happy relationships that have lasted much of their lives. Their doctors say they could live past 100, but mine says I will be dead within the next decade.  
  5. I have never had children, and am unable to do so. I have not fulfilled my Darwinian duty to procreate. While I was initially happy to avoid having to take care of young children, I now recognize a gaping hole in my life and long for someone to be proud of in this world.