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Satan Spotted in Writing Seminar Brushing Up on Newest Torture Methods


Photo by Wellcome Library, London / CC BY 4.0

SATAN, the Unholy Prince of the Damned, Ruler of the Fiery Inferno, and loyalty punch card holder at Wilcaf was recently spotted in a writing seminar class this week, to brush up on his  rusty torture skills before the Holidays. 

SATAN, the Glorious Fallen Angel Lucifer, said that he thought what he’d been doing was "pretty bad." After all, isn’t hell supposed to be the worst?

However, “sinners from Penn kept coming down and saying ‘they’d seen worse’ in their writing seminar classes.” SATAN was so curious about this feared class, that he thought he’d drop in and see what all the fuss was about.

Apparently SATAN’s time in Writing Seminar was so impactful that he has decided to alter his methods of torture, especially for students in certain majors. “I think I’ll do this to the engineers I have back home, in the Fiery Pit of Doom, Destruction, and Regular Showers,” said SATAN, chuckling. “They won’t be able to get their answers from ‘just taking a quick look’ at a friend’s work anymore. I’m going to give each one of them a different assignment, with varied and everchanging deadlines, and then give them all brutal comments which tear apart their fragile self-worth. I wish I was evil enough to make this stuff up!"

This new torture curriculum isn’t just limited to those of STEM backgrounds. The Arch Fiend says he’s thinking of “giving it to the English majors as well. Any last, tiny bit of joy they get from writing would be sucked out of them by this rigidly prescribed class which stifles individual talent in exchange for strict adherence to completely arbitrary rules.”

SATAN also enjoyed the in class portions of the seminar, even paricipating in the assignment for the day. SATAN’s On Demand Writing received a three out of four, with a comment of “try harder next time.”