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Guy Who Wants to 'Smash' Tonight Actually Just Wants a Gaming Buddy


Photos (with edits) from Pxhere / CC0 and penubag / CC0

Foregoing amenities such as toothpaste and deodorant, Joseph Corbin (E ‘21) had finally reached a milestone in his college career: saving up just enough money to buy the newest edition of Super Smash Brothers. Now came the hard part: finding friends to Smash with.

And so, being the enthusiastic fan he is, Corbin donned a tasteful homemade Mario costume and hit the ground running, console and controller in hand, to find a worthy opponent on campus.

“Hey,” Corbin muttered with a crooked smile, approaching a group of female students on Locust. “D-do you wanna smash tonight?”

Needless to say, the group took Corbin’s friendly invitation the wrong way.

“He said he would show me his Solid Snake!” one student cried.

“He kept going on and on about giving me his ‘final smash’,” another student recalled. “I’m sorry, but I’m saving that for my suave, sexy accounting professor.

Utterly defeated, Corbin returned to his single, his Mario mustache drooping after multiple hearty slaps to the face.

“I had no idea people were so hostile to gamers around here,” Corbin said with a sigh as he started a battle against the CPU. “Ugh. This is what I get for not applying to MIT.