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Finally: NCH Dining Hall Hires Death Grips Frontman to Yell When Your Order's Ready


Photo by Montecruz Foto / CC BY-SA 2.0

At long last, New College House has decided to hire MC Ride from Sacramento-based experimental hip-hop band Death Grips to call out people’s numbers when their food is ready.

“Bold move on their part, but if it finally gets that one kid to pick up his goddamn BBQ braised brisket tacos, then I’m all for it,” Harry Cooper (C ‘22) asserted.

As a full time employee, the rapper will use his visceral, ear-piercing voice to assist the otherwise taciturn kitchen staff in getting students to pick up their entrees.

“Freshmen agree: our staff just hasn’t been shouting loudly enough,” Penn Dining General Manager Carl Haim explained. “Hopefully the cacophonous shrieks of MC Ride will allow us to bridge the volume gap and provide to our patrons a smoother dining experience.”

In order to capitalize on MC Ride’s vocal talents, the dining hall has provided the rapper with a wireless microphone as well as the extensive speaker system installed within the establishment.

“Hey, at least it isn't Sheck Wes," one student remarked before being engulfed by the growing mosh pit beside the dessert bar.

Although some students have taken issue with MC Ride’s intermittent shouting, wanting just to down their wheatberry pilaf in peace, for the most part the artist has been well received by the community.

“Let’s be real,” Cooper proclaimed. “If I don’t get hearing loss by the end of the meal, then is it really a New College dinner?”