OP-ED: I've Fucked Penn 4 Times, And He's Still Making Me Go on Air-Penn Net Guest

There are certain rules about dating — or whatever this is (since he’s apparently “not ready for commitment”) — that are unspoken though completely vital to a sustainable relationship.

According to Cosmo, giving me the wifi password is one of them. I mean, I shouldn’t even have to ask, right? I’m literally always with Penn: when I wake up, when I go to sleep. He clogs my inbox all day, everyday. 

And, sure, we’ve fucked a couple times. Four to be exact. But that’s not even the point. It’s about respect for me. 

I’m still on Air-Penn Net Guest, being treated like a goddamn second-class citizen. When’s this going to change? It’s supposed to be a give and take, right?! I mean, I guess I could just stop by the ITA desk and get it done in a night, but I don’t want to be shady. He should be begging me to get on his wifi. 

It’s cuffing season. I need to be looking out for my best interest, and I’m starting to think he’s not taking this as seriously as I am.