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"This Should Be Easy," Says Professor Who Has Studied This Exact Topic for Decades


Photo by Karen Thibaut / CC BY-SA 3.0

Last Wednesday morning, esteemed chemistry professor Kenneth Bullion glossed over an entire section of notes, leaving already confused students utterly in the dark.

Bullion, who has dedicated his waking hours to the study of inorganic chemistry, did not see any need to waste lecture time on simple concepts such as coordination complexes or crystal field theory.

“It’s really rather intuitive if you think about it,” said Bullion, harboring over 30 years of research, practice, and experience with the exact topic at hand. “Come on, this should be easy.”

Bullion's students, many of whom haven't even started on their PhD theses, have called his comments “discouraging.”

“I think he’s expecting a little much of us,” Irene Connolly (C ‘21) complained before taking a fat rip from her Juul and continuing to browse for shoes on her laptop.

Of course, this wouldn't the first time Bullion expected a little bit too much from a room full of sleep-deprived, jaded undergraduates. In a passive-aggressive Canvas announcement, Bullion told students that if they “just think smartly,” then their first midterm would be “very manageable.”

Completely blindsided by doctorate-level questions, the class made out with a stylish 37 percent average.

“Idiots! Idiots, all of you!” Bullion screamed in a blind rage as time to teach and explain new material dwindled. “Why can’t you guys grasp the intricacies of molecular electronic transitions? Seriously, they’re conceptually the same as spectra lines!”

“Oh yeah, and guess what?” Bullion continued. “I did the midterm as well, and it only took me 20 minutes! I got a perfect score too. See? It wasn’t so bad.”

Although Bullion can be a harsh grader and lecturer, that is not to say that all of his students have lost their motivation. Nancy Ramsey (C '20) still has bright aspirations for the future despite her grade in the course.

“Once I graduate, I want to become a world-class chemist and study molecular bonding for the rest of my life,” Ramsey said with a wide smile and a twinkle in her eye. “Hopefully by then I’ll be prepared for midterm II.”