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So Close! Verizon Now Covers the Whole Mojave Desert but Not Fresh Grocer


Photo (with edits by Elias Rappaport) by Sam Churchill / CC BY 2.0 and screen shot from Google Maps

Did you know that Verizon leads the nation in every conceivable category? Best coverage, best customer service, best plans. Hell, they’re now the best man at your wedding, whether you like it or not.

Verizon even now covers the desolate Mojave Desert, part of their attempt to cover more of America than AT&T and T-Mobile combined. Yet still, they haven’t been able to penetrate the winding landscape of the Fresh Grocer on Walnut.

Frustrated College sophomore Greta Johnson noted that “once you get past the severely unripe avocados in the front, it’s pretty much radio silence until you reach the self checkout machines.”

For the local armadillos of the Mojave however, Verizon’s expansion is a major win. “I haven’t talked to my mom in months,” said one lonely armadillo. “With Verizon, we now have world-class service and can keep in touch with family across the desert. It’s truly life changing.”

At the moment, Verizon does not have any plans to bring service to the 40th and Walnut block, opting instead to focus on inferior and less advanced cities like Boston.