UTB's New Penn 10: Here's Penn's 10 Worst Students
April 26, 2019 at 11:27 am
While Street went random with the new Penn 10 this year, UTB didn't have to look far to find the 10 worst students on Penn's campus.
One Penn senior and UTB staff member is such a remarkably horrible student that she took all 10 spots on UTB's new list. There are thousands of seniors at Penn, each of them with their own unique, meaningful story, except for this woman. We hope that, whatever your Penn experience, you will not find kernels of it represented in hers.
To form this list, Penn seniors were assessed across a number of metrics, including GPA, class attendance, participation, retention of course material, and overall intelligence.
Laura Fiorentino, who bears absolutely no relation to the author of this article, swept her thousands of classmates in every one of these categories. In an unprecedented move, she claimed all top 10 spots on UTB's Penn 10 list.
In an interview, Fiorentino revealed how she fell from grace to become Penn's most notorious failure. She reported having spent her senior year religiously adhering to astrology, seeking Twitter fame, listening to Elton John's Crocodile Rock on a loop, and contemplating going blonde (even though she tried it in high school once and "it went horribly").
She was unable to offer more information during the interview because she frequently paused to check Twitter, revealing her short attention span which is presumably at the root of her poor academic performance.
Luckily, Fiorentino is one year older than notorious campus failure Arman Murphy, who will undoubtedly sweep all of UTB's Penn 10 spots next year.
For now, he can still call himself a bad bitch, even though he failed Stat 111, but, for the record, so did Fiorentino.