Freshman Used the Fisher-Bennett Elevator, but He Wasn’t Going to 4

Well well well, another day, another life lesson learned. It seems as though Brett from LIT103 thinks he’s too cool for gradual elevation changes and instead likes to alter altitudes his own way. That’s right everyone, Brett Hawkins (C ’23) used the Fisher-Bennett Elevator to get to his class on the second floor. 

Eye-witnesses were shocked as to what they saw, and even the elevator has gone on record to ask “really dude? It’s just one flight. Who do you think I am, the escalators at the bookstore?” 

When asked for comment, Hawkins has only stated that he apparently “was out so late last night you know drinking a lot and I’m just so tired so much I don’t want to show up to class all sweaty.”

“Come on Brett, we know you’re better than this,” said one classmate, who asked to remain anonymous. “You’re worse than that guy Stan who’s trying to be in every date night picture ever taken.”