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How to Adjust Your Velcro Shoes During a Midterm


Photo by dave /CC BY-ND 2.0

It’s midterm season and students are looking for all kinds of ways to get ahead. For classes graded on a curve, there can be incentives to sabotage your classmates for personal gain. We crunched some data and figured out the perfect way to distract other students during an exam: adjusting your velcro shoes. Here are the step-by-step directions for adjusting your velcro shoes during a midterm.

  1. Get some hot-ass light-up velcro shoes.
  2. About 15 minutes into the exam, quickly and aggressively redo the velcro on one of your shoes. This should be fast but very loud.
  3. Wait until there are about 15 minutes left in the exam — the part when people are just starting to panic — and, very deliberately, slowly undo the velcro on both shoes. Really draw it out so that people will think that you’re done before hearing even more separating velcro. Play it off as if you’re trying to be quiet: you know, mouth sorry at people and everything. This should go on for about five minutes.
  4. Realize that you were so focused on your shoes that you accidentally just wrote velcro 100 times on the exam. Rush to erase everything.
  5. Hastily write answers to all the questions in the last five minutes of class.
  6. After time is up and everyone else has handed in their test, jump up from your desk and run to the front to hand yours in before the professor leaves.
  7. Realize that you never actually refastened the velcro on your shoes, trip, fall, and miss the opportunity to hand in your test before the professor leaves.
  8. Drop out of school. You’re not very smart, so it was bound to happen eventually.