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Sophomore off Meal Plan Will Totally Save Bank Purchasing Flamin' Hot Cheetos in Bulk


Photo by Calgary Reviews / CC BY 2.0

Last Sunday, Darla Zhang (C ‘22) made a revelation that would irrevocably change the course of her life.

“I’ve cracked the code!” Zhang yelled in the middle of Fresh Grocer, pushing bag after bag of Flamin’ Hot Cheetos into her basket.

Zhang, who decided not to go on a meal plan this year, came up with a revolutionary idea that her wallet will surely thank her for. Instead of buying ingredients to prepare balanced meals packed with essential vitamins and minerals, Zhang plans to save major bank by just buying Frito-Lay’s signature Cheetah-endorsed snack for all three meals.

“There’s no way I can be better off without making somebody else worse off,” Zhang mused. “Me purchasing Flamin’ Hot Cheetos and making them my exclusive energy source is the pinnacle of economic efficiency.”

Although she may be saving beaucoup bucks every week, Zhang’s roommate has not been as receptive to her new plan.

“Every conceivable surface in our dorm has been coated with a fine, scarlet-colored powder,” her roommate complained. “Oh well, at least it’s better than when she tried to live off of Soylent last month. Take it from me — not a pretty sight.”

While each new day seems like more and more of a struggle, Zhang is determined to stick to Cheetos for the foreseeable future.

“Flamin’ Hot, all the way,” Zhang said, reaching into the bag for another fistful. “Doritos or Takis, you say? Not a chance. Do you know how bad those are for you?”