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Resume Worthy! Sarah Used More Unique Words Last Week Than 99% of Grammarly Users


Photo by Eleanor Stalick

This week, it has been confirmed by scientists at the world-renowned “Grammarly dot com” (no relation) that Sarah is, in fact, better than 99% of people. That’s right, Sarah used more words last week than 99% of Grammarly users.

Said Sarah, “This accomplishment is pretty much on par with those two Penn kids who just earned Rhodes scholarships.” Said all other Penn students, “What the fuck is Grammarly?” (Don't worry Sarah, they're just the 99%.)

Sarah took verbose notes throughout her interview, as one might expect. As if we couldn't see her laptop, she wrote, “Thee Daily Pennsylvanian is assuredly an acclaimed institution, for what other genres of literary organisation would so often survey and present such prestigious intellectuals as mine own self?” Given Sarah’s excitement for the DP, we at UTB are sure she will be excited to see herself briefly "presented" in a 150-word article in the "recent" section of an online-only, DP-affiliated satire column.