Penn Sells Student Belongings to Pay Off Budget Deficit
Photo by Becky Stern / CC BY-SA 2.0
July 19, 2020 at 11:08 am
After being given ample time to leave campus last semester following Penn’s decision to go online, many students still decided to leave their things behind in their rooms. Luckily, the University generously chose to hold on to each students’ belongings until they returned in the fall. At least, this was going to be the plan until the trustees took one look at the budget deficit the University would be facing.
It was at that moment administrators undertook the difficult task of selling off student belongings. The suggestion was thrown around to decrease the salaries of Penn admin, but it was quickly realized that this would be a massive infringement of their right to earn massive amounts of money.
Student dorms were raided for their packed up belongings and anything of value was sacrificed to the University. In the end, over a thousand Canada Goose jackets were collected, raising close to a million dollars for the University. Next, alcohol was collected and resold to the nearby frats that are prepping for the largest social gatherings they’ve ever had come fall. Of course, the best wine and vodka was saved for Amy Gutmann and her board, as they deserved it for all the hard work they put into saving Penn from bankruptcy.
As a display of compassion and generosity, it was decided that some of the students’ clothing and shoes would be donated to the West Philadelphia community. Once again, Penn has shown that even in times of hardship, they are willing to give back to those in need. In other news, Penn has decided to cancel financial aid for all students who did not leave any belongings behind to sell.