Tired of Sitting at Home, Students Excited to Sit in Dorm

 Having sat at home since March, College junior Holden Cofield is excited to return to campus so that he can sit in his dorm room instead.

Ever since Penn kicked all students out of on-campus housing in mid-March in response to the Coronavirus pandemic, Cofield has been wasting away in his parents' half-acre house in an affluent suburb. 

“My days have been quite uninteresting,” said Cofield. “Floating through online classes, endless Reddit scrolling, an eye-watering amount of video games, and a cesspool of potato chips.”

Cofield has also occasionally skirted quarantine rules. 

“I also occasionally hung out with friends,” said Cofield, ”I told my parents we’d wear masks, but I didn’t mention that we’d wear them on our chins. 

But now that students are slated to come back to campus, Cofield finally has something to look forward to. 

“I definitely need a change of scenery,” said Cofield, “Instead of wasting away in my house, I’d much rather waste away in my Domus apartment that I didn’t pay for. Time really does go fast when your brain is dripping out of your ears and nose.”

Cofield plans to be doing the same activities in his dorm room as he was doing in his house with one notable exception. 

“I might get more take out,” said Cofield. “and probably a lot more Wawa.”