Meal Prep! 10 Ways to Roast Your Veggies

1. Squash, your portraits are so ugly that they hang themselves.
2. The smartest thing that ever came out of your mouth, broccoli, was a penis.
3. Asparagus, are you a dentist who doesn’t recommend Colgate toothpaste? Because you’re a 1/10. 
4. Cabbage, you are so far up your own ass that you can lick your tonsils.
5. Hey carrots - yo mama so slutty that they used to call them jumpolines until she jumped on one.
6. Fuck you, brussel sprouts, you actual pieces of shit - just fuck you.
7. Sweet potatoes, you have miles to go before you reach mediocre.
8. Avocados, even the thought of roasting you literally disgusts me.
9. Don’t be ashamed of who you are, zucchini. That’s your parents’ job.
10. Mushrooms, the only way you’ll ever get laid is to crawl up a chicken’s ass and wait.