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BREAKING: Trump Totally Fine, but Also Like Really Sick


Photos (with edits) by woodleywonderworks / CC BY 2.0, Gage Skidmore / CC BY-SA 2.0, public domain

After being diagnosed with COVID-19 on Friday, October 2nd, reports claimed that Trump was doing well, expected to make a full recovery, and going to "get through this TOGETHER." But here at UTB, we don't just listen to reports. As evidence of the president's stellar health, we cite words from the source. At 11:31 pm Trump tweeted "Going welI, I think! Thank you to all. LOVE!!!" which proves that he was experiencing no symptoms of the nonexistent Democrat hoax.

The next day, on October 3rd, Trump was brought to Walter Reed Hospital, because he was still doing awesome and was in perfect health. While there, his blood oxygen levels dropped twice, requiring medical intervention. While that may sound scary, it's not. Trump is doing like really well.

Recently, Trump posted a lively video on his Twitter to show how healthy he is. In this thrilling one-minute video, Trump provided the inspiring message that COVID is "a very interesting thing" which he will "be letting you know about." Some news sources say that Trump's energy may have been because he was given dexamethasone, a steroid used only for serious cases of COVID, but this is probably not true because the president is not sick at all!

Mainstream media doesn't want you to know that dexamethasone is also just a regular over-the-counter vitamin, so if Trump was given dexamethasone, which he probably wasn't, it wasn't because he's sick, he's just trying to keep his bones, teeth, and gums strong. In reality, the whole visit to Walter Reed was not serious at all. It was basically just a check-up with a sleepover component.

In conclusion, Trump is NOT SICK, but if he is it's like the flu. Even though seemingly extreme measures were taken, this is a reminder that we should NOT jump to conclusions. Trump says he's 100% fine and that's the only important piece of evidence anyway.