Op-Ed: You Should Probably Start the Readings Now
December 10, 2020 at 12:40 pm
Finals are in full swing and as someone who actually does ALL of the readings, I thought I should remind you that the time to do those readings you've been putting off all semester is NOW. Well, actually yesterday. I mean ideally when they were assigned, but you know.
Trust me, as a 4.0 GPA teacher's pet goody goody I know how hard it can be to manage all your course work and still find time for those parties (amiright?!) but it's imperative that you understand that your English paper which requires PLENTY of sources is due in only two days!!! Hypothetically speaking, if you did nothing BUT read you still wouldn't finish the readings in time to write the paper, but at least giving it a quick skim would do wonders for your future grade.
I know you think you deserve a quick little 10-minute break (spoiler alert, you don't) and that you were hoping that a little UTB and chill would be helpful in relieving tension and help you focus long term, but trust me, it's not helping! Shut this tab right now! You won't (yes, that's a threat). Still here? Okay, I'm counting to 10. Once I get to 10 you'd better have started doing those readings.
10, Seriously shut this page! Do your readings!
9, stop reading this and start doing the actual ASSIGNED readings
8, if you didn't want this you shouldn't have signed up to be an English major
7, just because John Legend was an English major doesn't mean it's easy
6, Remember how you used to read for fun in middle school?
5, It could be just like that except not Percy Jackson
4, This is getting ridiculous. Doing the readings is in your best interest.
3, Stop it! Who KNOWS if Penn is really going to let you go pass/fail?
2, I tried to warn you....you're going to fail...I can't look!
1, Still here? You're a hopeless case! Good luck next semester I guess.