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Student Spotlight: Penn Undergrad The Lorax Accepts Internship At ExxonMobil

Photo (with edits) by Evan Shreffler / The Daily Pennsylvanian

For this week’s “student spotlight”, we look closer at one of Penn’s most ambitious third-year undergrad students. This student goes simply by “The Lorax” (W ‘22) and UTB was able to catch up with them to converse about their time at Penn, as well as their future endeavors. Below is a transcript for the interview we did for the spotlight:

UTB: Hi, Mr. Lorax. Can you tell us a little bit about yourself?

The Lorax: 

I am the Lorax, 

I am from the California Trufula Forest. 

I once used to speak for the Trees, 

which was certainly without ease 

due to the Once-ler’s once forestry seize.

I came to Penn to learn more, 

more about the trees I used for care for.

UTB: Ah, so you say you used to care for the trees? 

The Lorax: 

Yes, I came to Philly majoring in environmental policy,

Not knowing what Penn can do to one’s own philosophy.

After taking a few business electives my freshman year,

My world-view changed; I sought a new career.

UTB: Oh wow… can you elaborate on that change?

The Lorax:

Well, in Huntsman I was taught what capitalism was about…

Immediately transferring to Wharton, 

I now mansplain Reaganomics in Zoom breakouts.

Money, money, money, make the world go aroun’...

It’s crazy how exhilarated I feel

Watching stock markets go up and down

UTB: That’s a huge change-

The Lorax:

Although I was once was skeptical of the capitalist machine,

My mind is now seeing one color: Dollar Bill Green

While I have been called a sell-out by a fellow classmate…

I know they jus’ jelly of the cash Imma accumul-ate

UTB: Interesting… Do you already have some job prospects?

The Lorax:

Yes, in fact, I was just offered an internship at ExxonMobil

Excited to take ‘The Lorax’ brand more global

I can’t believe I was too busy protecting the Truffula fruit

When I could’ve been golfing, wearing Patagonia

and sporting a nice suit.

UTB: So you’re not worried about the possible environmental harm you could be associated with by working at ExxonMobil? Even to your home in Truffula Forest? 

The Lorax: 

If there is one thing Penn has shown me it is this...

If you don’t go for it all, in life you will surely miss.

While environmentalism is a noble affair,

The life of a successful businessman does not compare

While I understand that my corporation’s fracking

Will send the animals in the Truffula Forest packing

Would you rather have that nasty oil in the ground?

Or have it used for sweet, sweet energy all around?

UTB: Is there any last thing you want to say?

The Lorax:

Many liberal tree huggers have come and asked me:

"How could you change so much? How could this be?"

So before this interview is complete...

I suggest they watch the coolness that is 

The Wolf of Wall Street.