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BREAKING: My Mom Wants Everyone to Know That This Season of 'Outlander' Has Way Less Sex in It


Photo by Sidewalks TV / CC BY-ND 2.0

When thinking of the greatest fantasy TV shows of the past decade, your mind is likely to go one of two places: Game of Thrones and Outlander. These two incredible, thought-provoking shows of equal cultural impact have brought joy to the hearts of millions. Surely, you have experienced that same sudden rush of excitement when you hear the "Game of Thrones Main Title" (DA da DA DA da da) as you do with the "Skye Boat Song" (“sing me the song of a lad that is gone”). 

There is a small but possible chance that your reaction upon reading this is: Outlander? "Skye Boat Song"? Who is this gone lad, and what can I do to keep him from coming back? However, if you are a mother reading this article because your child is a writer for Under the Button (which is a beautiful and touching show of support), then you know what I’m talking about. I have an important message for all the students out there who have wondered why there are so many moans coming from the show your mom is bingeing. From my mother to yours, this new season of Outlander has way less sex in it, so don’t bother.

Yes, like Game of Thrones before it, Outlander has toned down the sex. Similarly, like Game of Thrones, the show is a lot better when it doesn’t include anything related to Bran Stark and the Three-Eyed Raven. Bran Stark and the Three-Eyed Raven never show up in Outlander at all, as they are the property of the Game of Thrones creators, and Outlander is all the stronger for it. However, for whatever reason, the Outlander writers’ room has decided to eschew copious sex in favor of aging their characters up to a whopping 50 years old. If there was ever a sign that you are watching a show designed for horny moms, that should be it. It is time to pick up and move to greener, sexier pastures or, more likely, rewatch the Game of Thrones scene with Jon and Ygritte in the cave.

Disclaimer: Due to COVID-19 social distancing protocols, none of this is lame or pathetic. It is the best we can do.