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OP-ED: I'm Hungies


Photo by vajlentka / CC BY-NC-SA 2.0


I’m feeling a wittle hungies. I would kill for a pinky drinky right about now. Yum yum!

Maybe we can head to dunkies? We can do a little study sesh at the Dunkin on Walnut. They don’t have tables but we can probably just stand – there’s so much space in there. Perfect vibes.

I’m actually craving some wawies right about now. Let’s head over there they have so many options! We could steal some chippy wippys or maybe order a wittle mac and cheese? I actually really need a freal milkshake right now. It’s just what the doctor prescribed. 

OMG. You what they have at wawies that would be perfect right now… a cigarette!

YES! Let’s just smoke a cigarette. Delish! Nothing tastes better than that.

Yaaasss. Cigarettes are so fucking cool. I heard they don’t even cause cancer! You look hot and feel amazing – what could be better!

Literally nothing – that’s what. I think it’s so great to smoke cigarettes. And everyone I know who is a good person smokes at least a pack day.

And you what brand is the best? Newports baby! The second I started smoking Newports, my life got so much better. If you’re thirsty for a cigarette – quench it with a Newport!