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UTB Staff


CS Student Swears He Didn’t Buy Apple Vision Pro To Watch VR Porn

“I’m interested in the metaverse. I’m excited for it as someone broadly interested in technology. But no I didn’t buy it for VR Porn”

Extremist Group You Don’t Care About Does Something You Don’t Understand in Country You Haven’t Heard Of

The extremist group has appeared on your Facebook feed many times in the past—you always respond to those posts with a “sad face” emoji.

Campus in Agreement: Shameless Plug Actually Pretty Shameful

To calm the concerns of the Penn community and pat down controversy caused by his “shameless plug,” Cox reminds everyone that the proceeds of his club’s fundraiser will go to the Trump 2024 campaign.

Student Activists Pledge to Fight For Low Income Americans They Are Scared to Interact With

“There are homeless Americans sleeping under shops all around the city. When I call the police to clear them, I make sure to remind our officers to treat them with respect and decency.”

OP-ED: I'm Hungies

YES! Let’s just smoke a cigarette. Delish! Nothing tastes better than that.


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Biden Entering Race to Prove Hillary Would Have Won If She Had a Penis

The white, centrist, establishment democrat was leading in the polls even before he announced his candidacy. Many voters say they were drawn to him because of his history in politics, his age, and because he doesn’t have a vagina, which would automatically disqualify him from the position for obvious reasons.