How to Convey That You Are Divorced, Remarried, Both With Children of Your Own, and Sometimes Still See Your Ex on the Side All Through Windshield Stick Figure Stickers
June 18, 2021 at 6:45 pm
Stuck in traffic—head in the clouds, hand on your balls—the Honda Civic ahead of your car gets personal. Honda drive, Sandra Sanders, throws her nuclear family dynamic in your face via the stick figure stickers on her back windshield, and suddenly you are filled with sadness. You can’t relate to this simple mom, dad, two sons, and a dog vibe, for you are a far more complicated man.
As a divorced father, remarried, each with children of your own, who still sees his ex on the side, you lack representation. This was the emotional ambush that drove Charlie Sheen (a different one) to reach out to the market-dominating windshield sticker company, Sticker With a Family, and demand change.
This Father’s Day, Sticker With a Family is extending their reach to people like Sheen—people like you—who want to partake in sticker family fun! “It’s time we cater to divorced families, families of incest, green card marriages, half-sibling lovers, complicated mother-in-law relationships, second cousin confusion, and Mormon families!” boasts CEO of Sticker With a Family, Charlie Sheen (not the different one). In anticipation of this launch, Sticker With a Family has reportedly shipped 13,000 units of varying family dynamics.
“My wife Linda, who also happens to be my deceased twin brother’s former wife, insisted that we portray our silly little family of twelve on our white van. It’s been a blessing for us and the kids/cousins/lovers. I’ve seen a surge of confidence in my family in our day-to-day lives stemming from this representation, and we didn’t even have to customize our order! The Finklefucks were perfectly represented by model W31RDA55…no modifications necessary!” said satisfied customer Frank Finklefuck.
Kevin Lao, another pleased customer, wrote on the Sticker With a Family Facebook page: “This Tesla asshole cut me off on the freeway, but his windshield introduced me to his lovely family of nine. Two children from divorce number one, one from a sloppy night in Vegas, four from long-time girlfriend Jennifer Coolidge, and one infant from his postal delivery lady, Angela. His family reminded me of mine, my rage vanished, and I am now the Godfather to Rich’s youngest born. I thank Sticker With a Family every day for forging this friendship.”
Surveys conducted by Vague Statistics Corp. show that the portrayal and display of these varied family dynamics directly lead to a friendlier, safer road.
In light of their recent success, Sticker With a Family is planning on releasing an extension to their “Baby on Board/New Driver” collection. The collection will include stickers reading “Whiney Bitch in the Back,” “Rabid Dog Driving,” “Politically Divided Family Alert,” “Homeschooled and Weird Because of it,” “No Dead Bodies in the Trunk!” and “Nancy Pelosi is in the Trunk!”
The public seems to be very excited about this new mode of intimate oversharing. So, get on the highway, sit in some traffic, and smile at your emancipated daughter sitting beside you because the Ford Fusion in the left lane is right there with you, Papa.