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Junior Who Had 8 Months on Campus Excited to Claim Superiority Over Baby Underclassmen


Photo by The Daily Pennsylvanian, Public Domain

Believe it or not, the start of the school year is coming up fast. With a freshmen class double the usual size (since we're certainly not counting sophomores who had only a year of Zoom as anything more than freshmen), this year's junior class feels particularly optimistic about the upcoming year.

"Since the seniors are checked out, and nobody else has really been to campus, it seems like juniors are going to rule the school," reported Justin Wilson (C '23). "I've already started thinking about what that means for us. Like for example, club recruitment. There's gonna be double the hazing to make up for the lost time. Those kids are going to die."

"I remember when I was a freshman, I got so flustered when I didn't know what building to go to. I finally sucked it up and asked someone and ended up getting to the right place. But this year, since half the people won't know where anything is and seniors are basically invisible, navigation will be entirely up to the juniors. Personally, I'm going to send people all over the place. I can't wait to overhear conversations about some freshman looking for the library and ending up at Gregory College House," sneered college junior Alyssa Greenwood.

Other juniors aren't as evil. 

Michael Jones (E '23) is just interested in having a fast path down the middle of Locust. "I'm telling EVERYONE that the compass thing is real. You step on the compass, you die or don't graduate or something. Except, I'm extending that myth to the entirety of Locust Walk. I'll be booking it from Gregory to DRL in 10 minutes."

According to a recent survey sent out to the junior class, many juniors share similar sentiments. In the study, a whopping 64% of Juniors reported planning to use "sophomore"/freshmen manual labor to do laundry, cook meals, and complete homework assignments. 

Said Justin Wilson, "while everyone else may be nervous about coming back to school, I think I speak for the entire junior class when I say I'm looking forward to having the year of my life!"