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Wharton Student Opens Dictionary To Random Page, Discovers “Middle Class” On Page 453

Photo by pedrosimoes7 / CC by 2.0

It was a day like any other in Professor Nina Strohminger’s Wharton classroom (*WARNING* the author of this article goes to the less important school at Penn and is making conjectures about what a Wharton classroom is like), virtual, that is. Students donned in Lululemon and Canada Goose opened their Excel-doing, high-speed laptops for a riveting lecture about holding hands and coloring inside the lines, and maybe some business ethics. 

In a bold showcase of class-solidarity, Strohminger polled her children students on what they thought the average American made in annual wages. The Zoom call swelled in a cacophony of numbers ending in an astounding amount of zeros, leading the unsuspecting bystander to believe inflation rates increased 10000% in the day alone. 

Executing a thought, “If we’re talking income, my family’s like … a happy medium between displacing marginalized communities and complete monopoly of the pharmaceutical industry, ballpark like … 800k. Y’know, not struggling, but not necessarily raking in the dough. We’re middle class!” Richard Richguy (W' 25) remarks.

Per Strohminger’s recommendation, Richguy recalls his experience looking up “middle class” in The Oxford English Dictionary. “It was an eye-opening experience, like when I went to Honduras and pretended to contribute to a community that I know nothing about by putting a couple cinder blocks on top of each other and calling it sustainable housing. ¡Hola! Haha.”

In true millennial fashion, Strohminger took to Twitter to present her findings. “We did a class-divided thing,” she tweeted, sparking retorts from the backbone of American society. 

With over 25% of students in the class believing the average annual household wage is over $100k, the future of America’s professional elite is more class-conscious than ever. 

Worn out from a grueling hour of entertaining business jargon and pretending to be a consultant, Richguy closed out of his zoom tab and ordered a forty-five dollar meal on UberEats. “A pretty good deal, right?”