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Daniel Scanlon


Articles

OP-ED: I’m Smiling Due to My Joy!

A failed situationship did not derail my life for four months!


Woah! Mid-Tier Influencer/PPE Major Realizes the Internet Is Already Over

This kid definitely went to Exeter.


Wowza! Locust Walk Reimagined Thanks to Penn-BlackRock Partnership

Preposterous! Sure, snake-game tile patterns work for the technocratic healthcare managers of the world, but the New Sincere era calls for more garish tile displays. 


EXCLUSIVE: The Inside Scoop on Liz Magill’s Synesthesia

When shown the Stanford insignia, reminiscent of her former employer, Magill responded, “Somewhere between Elizabeth Holmes and petrichor.”


I'm Healing My Inner Child by Posting on Sidechat

He has a spelling test tomorrow. 



Photo Essay: Is Nobody Going to Comment on My Petiteness?

The world is crumbling before my micrometer-wide eyes!


Wharton Student Opens Dictionary To Random Page, Discovers “Middle Class” On Page 453

"Ballpark like … 800k. Y’know, not struggling, but not necessarily raking in the dough.”


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