Everything is going to be okay (heart emoji).

Do you ever think about how deeply unfuckable it is to work in a "knowledge-based industry?"

"[She] blazed the trail for several thousand grants, fellowships, and exalted spiritual epiphanies."

Penn has set its sights on the most obvious hurdle impeding a green future – oboe players.

 I miss the enlightened and sincere demeanor you presented with before this interschool minor!

I realize I am damned to this narrative.

Bregoli recently had a moving speaking engagement at Oxford University, which is a big deal if you pronounce your r’s weirdly and can’t cook.

Like what the fuck is Magic Gardens and how is it going to impact the economy? 

I just found out that no one dies from love? This discovery has me shocked and upset to say the least. 

A halal cart menu hack! 

A failed situationship did not derail my life for four months!

This kid definitely went to Exeter.

Preposterous! Sure, snake-game tile patterns work for the technocratic healthcare managers of the world, but the New Sincere era calls for more garish tile displays. 

When shown the Stanford insignia, reminiscent of her former employer, Magill responded, “Somewhere between Elizabeth Holmes and petrichor.”

He has a spelling test tomorrow. 

Holy shit. She is so funny.

The world is crumbling before my micrometer-wide eyes!

"Ballpark like … 800k. Y’know, not struggling, but not necessarily raking in the dough.”