Progressive! Penn to Rename FGLI Students P.E.A.S.A.N.T.S.
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March 17, 2022 at 12:50 pm
In an effort to establish new initiatives to curate more awareness about first generation and low Income students, Penn rebranded the confusing FGLI acronym with P.E.A.S.A.N.T.S. (Poor, Extremely Average, Sad And Not Trustworthy Students). After a school-wide study, mainly focusing on the means of transportation, electronics of students, and personal attires, it has come to light that FGLI students still have failed to be seen as equals.
In order to combat this force, Penn has vowed to provide all P.E.A.S.A.N.T.S. with a horse and carriage, one of Amy Gutmann's finest milking cows for trading school supplies, and 15 goats that can be cashed in for a new 2021 Macbook or a 10% off tuition coupon. Although many individuals may see this new initiative as “barbaric” or “medieval”, Penn is sure that the new effort will allow former FGLI individuals to really stand out.
On top of all of this, Penn has decided to build a new dining hall dedicated specifically for P.E.A.S.A.N.T.S. stocked with common meals of low income students, such as hamburger helper, Bauernbrot (finest German bread on behalf of Gutmann), and two-week expired milk. Non-P.E.A.S.A.N.T.S. are highly encouraged to come and watch as there will be a viewing area and the entire building will be made of glass to illustrate the fragility and vulnerability of all P.E.A.S.A.N.T.S. Hence, now current first generation low income college students no longer have to explain their financial situation and can show the world what P.E.A.S.A.N.T.S. have to offer! Go P.E.A.S.A.N.T.S!