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Aww: Local Incel Elated to See Tinder Match Who Ghosted Them All Cozy and Well-Hydrated at UBB

Photo by Oscar Eichmann

Well, hello there.


Who are you?

Based on your vibe, a student. 

Your sweater is tight. 

You’re not here to be SABS’ed, 

But those airpods, they fit so snug. 

You like a little looksie here and now. 

Okay, I bite. 

You scroll through Wikipedia trying to decode

a whiff of Foucault you’ll never get.

You’re not the standard over-confident

Beauty on the dating-universe. 

Too ebullient for the College. 

Too ravishing, metabolic, for Engineering. 

What will you study?


You sound apologetic, like

You’re embarrassed to be caught in the wild

And you murmur your first word to me. 

“Stop following me around you fucking creep, 

Maddie, it's not that deep. 

Go find some other girl to pull a Joe Goldberg on,

For my rhymes are not to be sat upon.”

Oh love, futile, fickle love.