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Wake Up, SHEEP: Why Do None of You Bitches Know What a Persimmon Is?

Photo by Mallika Tatavarti

I can’t believe I’m doing this.

Look at this fruit.

Photo courtesy of Flickr, user Koshy Koshy

It’s called a persimmon, okay? Spelled “persimmon.” 

A few weeks ago, I offered some, very warmly and graciously (in my typical fashion), to a few select friends of mine. To my surprise (and disgust), those goddamn bitches had no idea what they were. “Percinnamon?” they said. “Persnimmon?” What the fuck? 

They sat there, trying to make me question what I KNOW to be true. “I’ve never seen this before, and that’s normal,” them bitches said. Well, I laugh in the face of that absurd proposition. Ha ha! If there is one thing in the world that I know to be true, it’s that the existence of the persimmon is common knowledge.

It’s not even that I like persimmons that much. I don’t love the texture and I don’t love the flavor. Sue me! At least I know what the damn thing is. What’s next? You don’t know what an apple is? A banana? Don’t be ridiculous.

All I can really ask is, why? Why don’t you know what a persimmon is? Do you refuse to observe and engage with the world around you? Do you have some sort of weird thing going on, you freak? 

Whatever, okay? I don’t care. You're a coward. Just grow up. Open your eyes. Learn to read a clock (I know you don’t know how to do that either).