I Promise You in Two Years People Will Pay to Get My Girlfriend’s Roman Nose

If anything means anything in this world then I want to hit it right on the nose, and I know just the nose.

When I see a button nose it makes me so ill that I just have to throw up in my mouth. “Rhinoplasty” this, “rhinoplasty” that. What is that? A nose surgery? Well if you hate your face I get why. Your silhouette looks nothing like my girlfriend’s. That must suck and I understand why you would pay a large sum of money to fix it. What’s the word? Aquiline? Romanesque? Romanian? Tell one of those words to your doctor at your next appointment and they’ll understand why your lack of such a gorgeous nose scored you 10/10 on the depression tablet. Get help.

Is this satire? Or do I genuinely believe this? I genuinely believe this. My own nose has a slight bump in the middle that keeps me from punching the mirror every time I look in it. There is so much beauty in the world, and I don’t think you should get caught up in society's expectations of you. So do something that society won’t expect of you– invest money in your face and invert that slope, baby. I promise you that that surgery is about to get real expensive. I’m a-what? A trend forecaster? Yeah. So get surgery because you’re missing out and it shows. On your face.