OP-ED: We Got Rejected From an LGBTQ+ Club, Now We’re Converting to Being a Straight Couple
Even now, sitting across from each other at boozy brunch, we are searching our minds for an answer to how we ever thought of ourselves as queer.
Lila Shermeta
I Promise You in Two Years People Will Pay to Get My Girlfriend’s Roman Nose
When I see a button nose it makes me so ill that I just have to throw up in my mouth.
OP-ED: We Got Rejected From an LGBTQ+ Club, Now We’re Converting to Being a Straight Couple
Even now, sitting across from each other at boozy brunch, we are searching our minds for an answer to how we ever thought of ourselves as queer.
I Interviewed The Drag Queen Who Planned Tel Aviv Night at Smokes
“I’m really here to bring the Penn community together over something that you all agree on,” O’side says as she spills some of her $5 vodka cran on her blue and white dress. “It’s pretty simple. First there will be a Jewish comedy night, and then there will be a Tel Aviv Night.”
I Promise You in Two Years People Will Pay to Get My Girlfriend’s Roman Nose
When I see a button nose it makes me so ill that I just have to throw up in my mouth.
Penn Marriage Pact, Penn Crushes: Penn Engineers Just So Horny
Penn Engineers are having more sex than everyone.
BREAKING: Penn Museum to Castrate All New Students and Use Their Remains in ANTH 0001 Lectures
First hand, you and your classmates can examine each other’s… members!
Penn Leasing the Radian Next Year? We Are All Just Dust on a Rock Floating in Space
They will begin leasing the Radian next year as sophomore on campus housing, and you and I are on this cosmic journey together.
OP-ED: Maybe You’re The Problem
I slept in the Moelis Family Grand Reading Room, the ATO roof deck, under the button, and the Quad Catacombs.
OP-ED: I Dream of A Popular KCECH
I was having a conversation with one of my many acquaintances who are so overwhelmingly in love with me that they pop the question: “Where do you live?” Why do you want to know? Do you want to bed me?
Penn Promises Pizza At Recess To The Class That Uploads The Most Vaccine Cards
Pizza slices will be limited to one per person and will be a generous two inches in width.
McClelland Bowls Now Just Rice
If students can shut up and enjoy their rice, then Penn Dining might consider adding lettuce again.
Girl With a Kind Face Starts Charging a Therapist’s Fee for Trauma Dumping
Usually I am told that the reason for this emotional downpour is my kind face. I can’t change this about myself, believe me I’ve tried. So, I’ve devised a solution.
