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Lila Shermeta


Articles

Huntsman To Be Dissolved To Dust, Gigantic and Obscene Monument For Wharton Alliance To Be Erected in Its Place

Ten limp twink bodies found in Huntsman Hall GSR, all identified as Wharton Alliance freshmen pregaming Queer Formal.


Penn Leasing the Radian Next Year? We Are All Just Dust on a Rock Floating in Space

They will begin leasing the Radian next year as sophomore on campus housing, and you and I are on this cosmic journey together.


OP-ED: Maybe You’re The Problem

I slept in the Moelis Family Grand Reading Room, the ATO roof deck, under the button, and the Quad Catacombs.


OP-ED: I Dream of A Popular KCECH

I was having a conversation with one of my many acquaintances who are so overwhelmingly in love with me that they pop the question: “Where do you live?” Why do you want to know? Do you want to bed me?


Penn Promises Pizza At Recess To The Class That Uploads The Most Vaccine Cards

Pizza slices will be limited to one per person and will be a generous two inches in width.


McClelland Bowls Now Just Rice

If students can shut up and enjoy their rice, then Penn Dining might consider adding lettuce again.


Girl With a Kind Face Starts Charging a Therapist’s Fee for Trauma Dumping

Usually I am told that the reason for this emotional downpour is my kind face. I can’t change this about myself, believe me I’ve tried. So, I’ve devised a solution.


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