Why is Everyone Getting Fingered at the Bio Pond Except Me?

There was a period of time during my freshman year when it seemed like every man and woman on this campus was getting fingered at the bio pond. AEPi date night? Someone’s getting fingered at the bio pond after. Sig Ep champagne and shackles? Oh yeah, straight to the bio pond. In fact, both of my roommates – Mary Plack (E’28) and Kara Gogger (E’28) – have been fingered at the bio pond by their respective NJB situationships. One of them has been fingered at the bio pond by two different NJBs! (It was Kara.)

Alas, I have never partaken. Not for lack of trying, mind you. Somehow the opportunity just never seemed to arise, no matter how hard I begged for someone, anyone, to finger me at the bio pond. Either way, I was under the impression that we had collectively left this activity back in freshman year, that the torch had long since been passed to Co’29 and now, Co’30. That is, until a certain junior friend of mine informed me of some scandalous bio pond activities she had recently partaken in.

What?! Seriously?! Why is everyone getting fingered at the bio pond except me?! Do I emit some sort of unconscious vibe indicating I don’t want to get fingered at the bio pond? Because I do, I really do. In fact, consider this my formal open call for anyone who would like to finger a wonderful young girl (me) at the bio pond sometime soon. In an ideal world I would prefer a handsome and talented brunette but really, I’m flexible. Hit my line. Thanks.