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I Lived It: I Used My SDT Code to Buy Pool Party Tickets and It Made the Price More Expensive

(04/07/25 7:41pm)

Flashback to my sophomore year. It is NSO and of course I want to go to pool party because everyone else is going. I had such good values back then. I am added to the facebook group. The invite reads “I’m back. Get ready to get wet. GA I dropping Sunday at 5pm.” Ew that kinda makes me uncomfortable, I think to myself. Even though it meant spending a bunch of money to wait in a long line where everyone is pushing eachother, have a mild amount of fun, and then pay 20 more dollars to get a drink, I wanted to go. 


I Got Rejected from Kite and Key Three Times, and I Still Don’t Know Why

(09/04/24 1:21pm)

The third time wasn’t the charm. I applied to kite and key because I was eager to share my Penn experience and join a group that values honesty and transparency. I told them that I would tell prospective students how much everyone enjoyed the dining hall food. I would add that the dorms are so nice and new. I definitely didn’t get black mold poisoning freshman year from my room in the quad that had a leak in the ceiling. And I definitely never got food poisoning from our dining halls that had 50+ Philadelphia health code violations.



OP-ED: Penn Should Replace the Living World Sector With the FitnessGram PACER Test

(04/05/22 5:05pm)

As a Penn student who did not place out of any of the college requirements, I am constantly sent into a downward spiral when I wonder how I will have time to take all of my classes. Must I take summer courses? Must I take 7 classes a semester? I’m not an M&T student. I shouldn’t need to do that. Naturally, the sector requirements make me mad. Sectors were just established to make us take tenured professors’ unpopular classes. I honestly couldn’t even tell you how many sectors there are. And why are there also foundational approaches? And why can’t everything double count??? I am in despair! 


BREAKING: GSR Disputes Will Now Be Settled With Staring Contests

(04/04/22 2:34pm)

Think of the most revolutionary invention to exist. You guessed it! Group study rooms. Every day, some of Penn’s best and brightest compete to book 30-minute time slots in tiny box-shaped rooms that don’t have windows. Students can only book 4 time slots at a time. Due to an uptick in annoying roommates at Penn, Penn Mobile has seen more traffic than ever before. Booking a study room has become more competitive than most Division 1 sports. Even now, I am scouring the app for a GSR in Biotech Commons next month, but alas, there are none left. America runs on Dunkin, but the University of Pennsylvania seems to run on the competitive nature of booking GSRs.








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