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OP-ED: Penn Should Replace the Living World Sector With the FitnessGram PACER Test

(04/05/22 5:05pm)

As a Penn student who did not place out of any of the college requirements, I am constantly sent into a downward spiral when I wonder how I will have time to take all of my classes. Must I take summer courses? Must I take 7 classes a semester? I’m not an M&T student. I shouldn’t need to do that. Naturally, the sector requirements make me mad. Sectors were just established to make us take tenured professors’ unpopular classes. I honestly couldn’t even tell you how many sectors there are. And why are there also foundational approaches? And why can’t everything double count??? I am in despair! 


BREAKING: GSR Disputes Will Now Be Settled With Staring Contests

(04/04/22 2:34pm)

Think of the most revolutionary invention to exist. You guessed it! Group study rooms. Every day, some of Penn’s best and brightest compete to book 30-minute time slots in tiny box-shaped rooms that don’t have windows. Students can only book 4 time slots at a time. Due to an uptick in annoying roommates at Penn, Penn Mobile has seen more traffic than ever before. Booking a study room has become more competitive than most Division 1 sports. Even now, I am scouring the app for a GSR in Biotech Commons next month, but alas, there are none left. America runs on Dunkin, but the University of Pennsylvania seems to run on the competitive nature of booking GSRs.








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