Below are your search results. You can also try a Basic Search.
Oh man, we’re so sorry. We did not see this coming. The plan was to fight the Office of Civil Rights to defend our position, but holy moly they took so much money. They took so much money. What now? We’re gonna have to make some changes because there’s no way we can lose more money with this Title IX stuff.
It’s far past time— put away your puffer, this is Penn. You are a slender and ambitious freshman, and your ebid is contingent on the coat you choose today. Unfortunately you can’t have the Canada Goose because it’s not so chic anymore, and people will be able to tell our parents have money, which is a no no. Let’s go a subtler route.
All our troubles are at an end. New College Dean Peter Struck has touched down on College Green to announce the newest Penn initiative to combat everything at once. Applications to join the student organization which will regulate the Antisemitism Task Force’s thoughts about the Presidential Commission on Countering Hate and Doing a Bunch of Other Good Stuff are now open. We are also making a Commission on Love which will be great.
Famously lauded Freedom, Liberation and Jewry Champion Marc Rowan is on a new mission after eliminating Liz Magill the Wicked Hegemon of Bigotry and Evilness. Now, at a unique moment of learning for UPenn, Rowan has stepped in to guide the university to a new beautiful truth. Away with any vestiges of the ancient regime like DEI, wussiness, or the Gender Studies department! Now for fresh, bold ventures such as the creation of the Apollo Global Management Department where students can develop important business skills in destroying mean old ladies who love Palestine.
Did you think I was gonna say something funny? There’s nothing funny about Epilepsy Awareness Month. You probably thought I was gonna say something like I’m going to bike around campus with a huge tv attached to my bicycle displaying flashing lights. But I don’t want to get in trouble. And there’s nothing funny about epilepsy.
How to navigate one’s headspace? We ask this question because we seriously don’t know why this lady did what she did. If we were to describe this lady we would say: petite wasian queen. This matters because her mannerisms and tonality pertained to her identity and we love wasian people. What is the motif behind an elderly woman with a kind voice approaching us as we merge with the biopond? What is the motif of us telling her to go away? We attempted this endeavor to no avail because she took a picture across the pond that revealed our state of mind, intriguing because we never got her state of mind in turn; what becomes of us now that we know that she knows us better than we do her? In our time with her, she told us the last time she was at Penn was 1982. Wow! We said. And then silence.